Q&A Write-up: December
How to be "blunt" without being an a-hole
Q&A’s happen once a month where I answer one of the paid subscribers questions and do a write-up answering it for the entire community.
This month’s question:
“My question is regarding how to avoid coming off like an as*hole.
Your 'selling style' is much more blunt than most, how do you balance being able to convey the true art of sales, without being percieved as an as*hole.”
Great question.
This was something I also struggled with.. “cutting through the BS” in a nurturing way is a lost art.
For me personally, I also found myself on 2 ends of the extremes:
Beating around the bush
Coming off too blunt
Not a fun place to be in.
So the first piece of advice is have compassion and be patient with yourself. Change takes time.
Moving on..
“Coming off like an a-hole” is a skills / technique problem which means it is solvable.
Solving for it comes down to:
1) Setting the right expectations upfront so the prospect isn’t taken aback when they see you behaving “differently”
2) Working on your delivery
Beliefs
It all starts in the mind.
When I’m in a sales meeting I don’t label myself as “blunt”.. that would be selling myself short.
So I prefer this reframe:
I’m the expert who doesn’t care about being “liked” and isn’t afraid to challenge you in order to find the Truth.
All I’m after is the Truth and I’ll use whatever tools I need to to achieve that objective.
In your question you also said “without being perceived as an a-hole”
Remember: You don’t have complete control over how someone perceives you.
So even if you follow the rest of the tips I lay out in this post you may still have prospects perceive you as an “a-hole”
And that’s where the power of not caring about being liked comes in.
You can’t control, nor should you care, if the prospect “likes” you.
You just need to get them to feel comfortable with you and trust you so they tell you the Truth.
Setting the right expectations
Passively
If you have a personal brand that is known to project a certain image then people who meet you won’t be surprised if you’re behaving the same way because in their mind you are being congruent.
You also get more room for errors when you are perceived as High Status.
You get what I call the “High Status Pass”
A good example of this is Grant Cardone. Notice how he talks to his buyers:
He is Direct, Dominant, and Challenging the buyer. He doesn’t have to be nice or polite.
The Status Gap on this call is overwhelmingly in his favor so he can do/say pretty much whatever he wants.. and it will still work.
Do you think his sales team can get away with behaving the same way as he does with buyers?
Another Example
BTSG is nowhere near Grant Cardone’s level of status.. however, I have way more freedom to behave how I want with companies who want to bring me in for training than I did when I was selling software as an AE.
No comparison.
The expectations of me behaving a certain way is already in the subtext before I even open my mouth.
This is the power of Status.
More status = More freedom
The way for you to gain an upper hand is to become a Domain Authority and build a personal brand.
Most salespeople are not out there building personal brands (which is a mistake) so they have more of an uphill climb both in terms of closing the Status Gap with their buyers and having more restrictions on their behavior.
Buyers are increasingly more sensitive to social status which means the first thing they’re thinking when they meet you for the first time is “Who is this person in my world?”
They’re sizing you up to figure out if you’re someone worth listening to.
Make your job easier and get active on social media.. particularly Linkedin if you’re selling B2B. Engage with your buyers posts, post about things like the problems you solve, the unique way you solve them, industry trends, etc so you can position yourself as an expert.
Pro tip: Seek out the most professional looking Linkedin profiles in your space and emulate them.
Chad note: Most reps rely solely on “piggy backing” off of the Status of the companies they sell for instead of also raising their own personal status via building a personal brand.. NGMI.
Actively
Regardless if you have a personal brand or not, you’ll need to get good at soft skills like tonality, softening your questions, and having struggling moments in order to fulfill your potential as a salesman.
Tonality
You know the old adage “it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it”
The idea here is you need to add a bit of Nurturing in your conversations with prospects. Being nurturing doesn’t come at the expense of effectiveness. It enhances it.
You can do this by playing with pitch/inflection, intonation, and pacing.
Be nurturing, curious, and genuinely interested in the answer when you ask your questions. This will also help soften it.
Chad note: I highly recommend working with a speech coach who can help you with your tonality. Check out Michael Hewitt on X. He’s great (he also narrated my course)
Softening Statements
These are statements that Disarm buyers by reducing their uncertainty / setting expectations.
In the beginning of your calls you can try saying something like:
🐲: *friendly tone/smile*.. Good to connect today. So my job here is to figure out whether or not we can help you. In order to do that I’ll need to ask a lot of questions. I’ve been told that sometimes my questions can come off quite direct or blunt so yeah if you don’t want to answer any of those types of questions then that’s fine. You can always say “Hey Chad, that one was too direct” or you can just mute me if you prefer.. I won’t take it personal.. *chuckle* sounds good?
^ Delivery of this is important.. especially the latter part. It needs to be delivered with a fun and friendly demeanor. Done well it can set you up nicely so you can get away with being more blunt.
And before some of your more uncomfortable questions you can try softening it:
🐲: Can I ask a blunt question?
>yes
🐲: Are you sure? It’s quite direct
>yes
🐲: *ask your question with a focus on tonality*
Experiment with different softening statements..
And if the prospect calls you out on any one of the questions you can always say:
🐲: I did say I was going to do this earlier! But you didn’t mute me!
You don’t get paid enough to take this so serious, anon.
Struggling moments
And lastly try to chuck in a struggling moment here and there.
Give the impression that you’re deep in thought struggling to answer their question.
Toss in some non verbal vocalization i.e “hmm’s” and a sigh to really act your way through. Go ahead and scratch your head and look confused before you answer.
This can be a great tool to disarm the prospect and Reframe.
Additional Tips & Resources
I’ve talked about the power of Improv if you’re in sales and will mention it again here. Improv has helped me (and many others) with getting better at this.
Improv will teach you how to think quickly on your feet because as much as you can prepare you know there will always be situations that don’t go according to plan on your calls.
It’s all about managing the moment to the best of our ability. We need all the practice we can get.
Great actors & improvisers are incredibly in tune with their emotions and can adapt them on the fly which is a huge skill to have.
And like great actors & improvisers, great salespeople can read their buyers / feel the vibe and adjust their delivery on the fly.
Sometimes even having to adjust mid sentence because that’s what the moment calls for.
How many of your competitors are doing this or think like this?
Few.
Cutting through the BS in a nurturing way is a delicate balance.
And the balance is the journey..
And the journey never ends.
Related reading.. particularly about being Nurturingly Assertive with prospects:
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