Be the Mirror

Aug 25, 2025

If I want to sell something to someone I imagine myself holding up a mirror so that the other person can see themselves. That’s the first step. The mindset.

I ask my questions so that they can hear themselves say their answers out loud. This is very important because what we tell ourselves is more persuasive than what any outside person can tell us.

I ask thought provoking questions and breathe into the tension. I don’t “leave”

My questions are engineered to guide the person to say what I want to tell them and/or point them to where their thinking leads. I know I’m doing it right when the other person is effectively doing all the selling or disqualifying themselves.

This is the basis of Socratic Questioning:

However, Socratic Questioning alone may not be enough. Not every prospect wants to play “21 questions” with you and sometimes you need to be more direct.

This is where Perspective Sharing comes in (Framing/Reframing). Setting new psychological context using the information that has been established and/or from my own experience/observations.

You never want to use these tools to beat the other side with the Truth. No matter how bad you want to get them to see the Truth.

You can’t skip steps.. unless invited.

I understand what it’s like to sit there screaming on the inside “I KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM!!” but the buyer isn’t interested in hearing you. I also know what it’s like to tell the buyer what they should do, uninvited, and having it blow up in my face. This is a dilemma that every salesperson needs to learn to navigate.

a more useful way forward is to share my perspective and invite them to see themselves within the context of what I just shared and then observe how they react. If I feel them moving towards me, I continue. If I don’t, then that’s okay too. Your perspectives will be the most powerful when they are coming from a place of pattern recognition, expertise, and outcome independence.

I have no real investment or desire in making the other person wrong or convincing them of anything although it may appear the opposite given how intense or passionate I can be. My passion is in inner truth. Shattering illusions. I make myself aware of this distinction so I can avoid tricking myself into thinking it’s the former and then acting out from that place in self-defeating ways.

I’m also not afraid of feeling my need. I am not deterred by rejection. You can’t reject me, only my proposition or solution. It’s never personal. It only feels that way because of all the projection and transference. This is another dilemma all salespeople need to deal with.

Being more comfortable with that dilemma frees up the energy to allow your observations to pierce through their cognitive defenses.

And so the invitation here is:

Can you slow down?

Can you trust that you don’t need to fill in the silence? That you are allowed to take your time?

That there is nothing to prove to anyone and there is inherent value in your BEING there and sharing what you SEE?

And can you lean into the uncertainty and trust that the destination will have been worthwhile?

This is what means to be the Mirror.

Programs & Trainings

The Accelerator

A high intensity 12 week group coaching program. Limited to 10 participants. Through live teachings and active roleplaying, you'll learn how to deeply understand your buyers, ask powerful questions, and be in control of your deals.

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